I've been reflecting on my own sin lately. The things I don't see in myself that God is revealing to me. I think having a baby has really been the catalyst to this, as I want to be a mom that seeks after God before anything else. Oh yeah, I'm pregnant--for anyone who didn't already know. :]
Repentance, after my initial repentance, was a foreign thing to me. My blind spots were easily staying blind because I didn't see any big sin, so there must not be any sin. Which, of course, is never true. After repenting from all that Christ initially saved me from, it was easy to overlook my pride, my attitude, my unwillingness to love others, because they didn't seem that bad. They were easily stuffed away and forgotten about. But God has been constantly tugging at my heart, reminding me that, while I know I'm not perfect, he calls me to action to rid myself of those things that are imperfect!
Matthew 21:42-44 really illustrates our need to be broken before God, realizing our sin and not just letting it fall to the side and forgetting about it. 42 and 43 talk about how Christ is the stone that the builders rejected, but that this stone has become the cornerstone. In other words, he is the rejected stone that has become the most integral stone in the building. But in 44 it says "and the one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him."
I always thought that the broken person and the crushed person were both unbelievers. I mean, surely God wouldn't want us to be broken on Christ? But I was wrong. Most commentators say that the broken person is referring to a believer, and the crushed person is referring to an unbeliever. That is to say, a believer will stumble on Christ, and will be broken to pieces by Christ.
Ouch. Not fun.
But in so many ways, true. I mean, we come to him broken, unable to handle the world, the forces against us, and the law that weighs so heavily on our backs. And he renews and restores us. That part is easy to see. What I had forgotten is that it isn't a one time thing, but that this works in cycles. I am constantly putting to death the things of the flesh, which is never, ever easy... and it always looks like this same brokenness.
A lot of us like to think that when we decide to believe that Jesus died for us, that's all that there is to do. Believe. But if you believe, doesn't that make you want to do more? If you truly believe there is this amazing savior who loves you unconditionally, constantly forgives you, and is making you new, there would be a change. You have the Holy Spirit living INSIDE of you.
If I walked up to anyone and told them that something miraculous happened to me, and that now I am the best basketball player who ever lived... do you think they would buy that if I continued to barely be able to make the ball into the hoop? Absolutely not.
If I say that I have the Spirit of God inside of me, don't you think we should expect some changes to move us? I would continue to look differently, as Christ breaks me down and builds me back up, as I fall and he breaks my pride, my attitude, my unwillingness to love others, and changes my heart... I would look different. I would live differently.
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions... The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not dispise."
-Psalm 51: 1 & 17
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