Breaking

I have been thinking a lot lately. And wanting to blog, but often not having places to do so. And when I have the place, I forget what I want to say. So, if this comes out all convoluted, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to be.

Life feels gut-wrenching.

I have a friend who is wandering.
And one who consistently closes their ears.
And one who believes but doesn't follow.

And those people break my heart.
Daily.
And God's love is heavy.

I mean, we say that we should love people the way God loves people. And the only way we can truly love them is because and through Jesus. Because He loves them perfectly. He loved them first. He formed them and knows them better than they know themselves.

And it's heavy.
And I'm not talking, oh, these people make me frustrated and angry and mad and blah-blah-blah.
No.
I'm talking heavy, uncontrollable worry, prayers every minute, hurting that they hurt, heavy.
And it's difficult.

Loving people the way God loves them is painful. Because we are always turning away from God. Every minute, with every fiber of our being, every intention of our hearts is evil (Gen. 6:5).

There is a prophet. His name was Hosea. Sometimes prophets are told to do crazy things to show the people what God wants them to see. So Hosea, he is told to marry this lady, Gomer... who is a prostitute. She has children, only one of which is Hosea's. And she ditches Hosea, a loving, providing husband, to go back to her pimps and her life as a prostitute.

So in Hosea 2, God/Hosea lists all of these things that Gomer deserves, because she is continually stepping out on her husband... and yet God says "therefore"... and i LOVE this word therefore, because it implies that what comes next is a direct result of all of the bad she has done... "therefore, behold I will allure her." It goes on to say he will "speak tenderly to her" and "I will betroth her to me forever."

So, even though she is a prostitute, sleeping with guys who aren't her loving husband... the result is to be allured, to be wooed, to be spoken tenderly to, and to be betrothed???

Is it just me, or does that sound wrong. What would be the result of an adulterer now-a-days? At least breaking up. At least. But instead, there is love. Unceasing, unfailing love. And more than that. There is a seeking, a yearning, an alluring going on.

And this is our picture of God. Our God, whom we turn from daily, who we hate with our actions and with every evil intention of our heart... he is alluring us. He is desiring us. He is seeking us. And that is why His love, the love he has for those around you, it's really heavy. Because it's the love of a husband scorned by His wife for a life of prostitution. It's the love of a man for a woman who constantly turns from him. It's the love of a perfect God who desires to have an intimate, loving relationship with us, while we stray to our televisions, our movies, our video games, our homework, our friends, our parties, our drinks and drugs, our facebook, our emails, our books... our distractions.

That's not to say I don't chase my distractions. I do. We all do. It's just that when you really spend time with our infinite, enormous, marvelous King, you realize His love for you--but also for those around you. And you start to love them, which is beautiful, but also really hard.

<3

The Village Blog - Advent: God With Us

The Village Blog - Advent: God With Us

Something Beautiful

"I wanna hear the thunder of who you are, to be captured inside the wonder of who you are."

"And he'll break open the skies to save those who cry out his name,
the one the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you."

"Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

I feel very worshipful today, in my angst and my unease.
What a strange feeling.

:]