La, la, la, love!

Relationships... ah, what Disney movies are made of.

In all honesty, I love love. Romance. Shakespeare. Chick flicks. Disney movies. The Twilight Saga... But I think the emphasis in our culture on romantic relationships, dating, and looooove (which is usually best described as infatuation, and not necessarily the pure and beautiful thing we call love) is doing enormous damage to us.

People inherently do not want to be alone. When I was growing up, I was convinced that if I got married, if I could just fall in love, I would be happy. If I could find my soulmate, I would be set for life. I would forever be content in my life with my love and my happy little box of romance. Of course, life is not a fairy tale. And marriage is difficult. Though, I'm not complaining. I love my husband more than any other human being, but honestly, my happiness does not spring forth from our relationship. Being with my husband isn't my sole source of happiness, nor should it be. The idea I had as a young girl, that I would be happy if I was in love, was false, and it took me a lot of mistakes to find that out. Dating isn't the answer to the hole we have in our heart. Dating is never the answer to our happiness. And honestly, dating really isn't a good idea at all (more on that another time). And so, a question is posed:

Why do we link being in a romantic relationship, with being happy?

I have seen countless movies, heard countless songs, repeating this ideal that if you fall in love, happily ever after will follow. If you have problems, you fall in love, and everything from then on out is ok. "Happy". And we all know that this isn't real life, but we consistently chase these ideas of happiness.

Ok. Let's take a second here. Let's be honest. We are created beings. We have been made, with desires, with love, and with needs. God made us that way. It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't something he messed up on. God doesn't mess up. He doens't make mistakes. But He does have purpose for those needs. C.S. Lewis said something that really resonates with this:

"Creatures are not born with desires
unless satisfaction for those desires exist.
A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food.
A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water.
Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex.
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it,
that does not mean that the universe is a fraud.
Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it,
but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing."

Our desire for a romantic relationship, our desire to not be lonely, our desire to love and to be loved, these things were created in us. Our desires aren't wrong. But where we seek to satisfy our desires, when we seek to fall in love in order to make us happy, that's wrong. We're getting it all wrong. Why would we depend on a created being, who is trying to satisy those same desires, and those same pains, and those same needs, to make us happy? Imperfect people will never be the answer to our happiness, and putting them on that pedestal will always disappoint. Imperfect relationships will always find walls, obstacles, difficulties.

Our desires aren't wrong, because God gave them to us, to satisfy ourselves in Him, not people. He wants us to chase Him, not boys or girls. That being said, romantic relationships are not bad. I'm not saying everyone needs to go out and break up with they girlfriend/boyfriend... but I am saying that God would not desire for you to be in a romantic relationship that doesn't bring you closer to Him. There are a few situations where this would lead to breaking up: relationships with unbelievers, relationships that do not glorify God, relationships that seek one another above God, relationships that make someone an idol... These are obviously contrary to God's word, and thus, contrary to God.

That being said, it is easy to fool yourself into thinking you should be in a relationship. Take a step back and pray. Seek God's will, not your own. Read the Bible and be obedient. God's purpose for romantic relationships is marriage. And God's purpose for marriage is to show the world around us His glory. Ask yourself, can I see marriage in this future? Ask, is this going to glorify God?



This was sort of a weird post. :] Sorry.

<3 Erin

Breaking

I have been thinking a lot lately. And wanting to blog, but often not having places to do so. And when I have the place, I forget what I want to say. So, if this comes out all convoluted, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to be.

Life feels gut-wrenching.

I have a friend who is wandering.
And one who consistently closes their ears.
And one who believes but doesn't follow.

And those people break my heart.
Daily.
And God's love is heavy.

I mean, we say that we should love people the way God loves people. And the only way we can truly love them is because and through Jesus. Because He loves them perfectly. He loved them first. He formed them and knows them better than they know themselves.

And it's heavy.
And I'm not talking, oh, these people make me frustrated and angry and mad and blah-blah-blah.
No.
I'm talking heavy, uncontrollable worry, prayers every minute, hurting that they hurt, heavy.
And it's difficult.

Loving people the way God loves them is painful. Because we are always turning away from God. Every minute, with every fiber of our being, every intention of our hearts is evil (Gen. 6:5).

There is a prophet. His name was Hosea. Sometimes prophets are told to do crazy things to show the people what God wants them to see. So Hosea, he is told to marry this lady, Gomer... who is a prostitute. She has children, only one of which is Hosea's. And she ditches Hosea, a loving, providing husband, to go back to her pimps and her life as a prostitute.

So in Hosea 2, God/Hosea lists all of these things that Gomer deserves, because she is continually stepping out on her husband... and yet God says "therefore"... and i LOVE this word therefore, because it implies that what comes next is a direct result of all of the bad she has done... "therefore, behold I will allure her." It goes on to say he will "speak tenderly to her" and "I will betroth her to me forever."

So, even though she is a prostitute, sleeping with guys who aren't her loving husband... the result is to be allured, to be wooed, to be spoken tenderly to, and to be betrothed???

Is it just me, or does that sound wrong. What would be the result of an adulterer now-a-days? At least breaking up. At least. But instead, there is love. Unceasing, unfailing love. And more than that. There is a seeking, a yearning, an alluring going on.

And this is our picture of God. Our God, whom we turn from daily, who we hate with our actions and with every evil intention of our heart... he is alluring us. He is desiring us. He is seeking us. And that is why His love, the love he has for those around you, it's really heavy. Because it's the love of a husband scorned by His wife for a life of prostitution. It's the love of a man for a woman who constantly turns from him. It's the love of a perfect God who desires to have an intimate, loving relationship with us, while we stray to our televisions, our movies, our video games, our homework, our friends, our parties, our drinks and drugs, our facebook, our emails, our books... our distractions.

That's not to say I don't chase my distractions. I do. We all do. It's just that when you really spend time with our infinite, enormous, marvelous King, you realize His love for you--but also for those around you. And you start to love them, which is beautiful, but also really hard.

<3

The Village Blog - Advent: God With Us

The Village Blog - Advent: God With Us

Something Beautiful

"I wanna hear the thunder of who you are, to be captured inside the wonder of who you are."

"And he'll break open the skies to save those who cry out his name,
the one the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you."

"Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

I feel very worshipful today, in my angst and my unease.
What a strange feeling.

:]



Standing on the Edge of Me

"I'm standing on the edge of

everything I've never been before,

and I've been standing on the edge of me,

I'm standing on the edge."

"On Fire" by Switchfoot

Have you ever stood on the edge of who you are, looking out on the expanse of who you have been? Looking at the things you did as though someone else has done them, pictures of pictures, things so distant they must have happened to someone else.

I think in a life following the Son, there is a point of no return. There is a time, a place, a monument in your walk where you look back, and there is just no way to return to your old self again. Sometimes people see it only when they feel like the move forward would be too difficult, they look back at the expanse of who they are and into the depths of what the King has done in thier lives and they realize, "How could I go back now? How could I return to my old self, knowing what I know now?"

I have had two of these instances in my life. The first was at orientation week. For those of you who know what this is, kudos to you. For those of you who don't, I'm sorry but no explanation will be made, for the sake of anyone who might someday go. In any case, at this time I was faced with a decision. That decision was, is the King worth it? Worth everything? And that isn't to say worth an arbitrary everything as in abstract, unknown things that must be sacrificed to "carry a cross" and swallow my pride to tell everyday people about my savior. No, I mean a real everything, as far as life on this Earth is concerned. I mean is it worth losing my life, the life of my husband, the lives of my friends, the lives of those I tell and have come to love? Is it worth watching those people be tortured?
Is it worth it?
And I came to one of those points. Where I looked back on the expanse of my life and saw everything up to that point, understood all of my fears and my sin that held me from grace, and I knew that I had come too far to turn back. I knew that no matter where I went from here, if I didn't continue to follow the King, my life would be nothing, would never go back to how it was before, and I would be stuck. I had no real choice but to move forward, knowing what I knew about my Savior and about my King. So I did.

My second monument was a very difficult time my husband was having with the ideas in the Armenianism v. Calvinism debate. We had an awful time of it, him realizing he might not have the faith he once had, and I realizing I might not either... unbeknownst to us, the King had more faith in store than we ever counted on. Amidst our argument/struggle/whirlwind of sorrow, I stopped to think "Where will Jonathan lead me now? Can we ever go back to before? Is there a way that we can still be?" It seemed we must fall into oblivion before ever turning back to who we were before, or what we had come out of. Feeling like our very faith was faltering, I found solace in the fact that I was immovable. I found solace in the fact that, though I felt my faith shaken to the bone, there was nothing in me that could deny Truth. It was a paradox, knowing my faith had failed while still having faith enough to stand and know I wouldn't be able to turn back, like I literally would not have the ability to move in the opposite direction. And so I moved forward.

Last night my soul was in crisis. I realized that my neglect of my relationship with the King was leading me into quiet isolation. In my outcry, my husband reminded me that while I feel far from the King, He has never left me. I started thinking that I was so far from Him, but really I had just taken my earphones out and let go of his hand. He hadn't left, I just wasn't in tune and it was my own fault. If you aren't knowing his language, how can he speak to you? As I reflected on that, I remembered the times of no return. I recalled that He never let me go, and continually called my back and held me steady.

For those who feel far, for those who feel unsteady, for those who feel like they are wandering away...

"I give them eternal life,

and they will never perish,

and no one will snatch them

out of my hand"."

John 10:28

When Jesus says no one will snatch them, that includes us. We cannot snatch ourselves out from His hand. He will not let us run from Him. He is stronger and more loving that we can ever imagine.

"My soul clings to you,

your right hand upholds me."

Psalm 63:8

I love this because in the NT it says that the Son is seated at the right hand... which stands to reason that the Son is who upholds us. In any case, this always brings me back to my King. Since I made that decision from which there can never be a return, my soul has clung to Him, even as my flesh has turned from Him, my soul clings.

"Yes, and from ancient days I am he.

No one can deliver out of my hand.

When I act, who can reverse it?"

Isaiah 43:13

Our King is stronger. And no one can reverse what he acts.

Just some shared encouragement. :]

<3 Erin

There Is One Stronger Than I

Life is wrought with fear.
Fear of never having enough money.
Fear of telling someone the good news, while realizing they might turn from you for it.
Fear of death.
Fear of giving your comfortable life up to do something you really love, or something you're called to do.
Fear of giving up your uncomfortable life because of the
Fear of change.

It's so easy to find things to be afraid of, things to keep you immobile. Things to keep you from doing God's will. No wonder there is so much scripture asking for help over fear, telling us that GOD is stronger than our fears, and stronger in our weaknesses.

For instance:

Psalm 64:1
Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint; preserve my life from dread of the enemy.

Proverbs 21:19
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

_______________________________________

These are warnings. They are descriptions of a heavy heart, of a worrysome woman, of a life of dread. And over and over God tell us Fear Not (33 times in the ESV to be exact), making it a command, and not just a suggestion. Yet, how many of us are crippled by our fear or by our anxiety. Anxiety of making enough money, never marrying, being liked by people, being faithful to what God wants us to do... These are heavy burdens. There is a reason God tells us to Fear Not. Fear is a distraction from His will for us, it stops action. It makes me immovable. I know that for a fact. And that is not okay.

_________________________________________

Isaiah 41:13
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

Isaiah 43:1
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."

Luke 12:4
"I tell you my friends, do not fear those who can kill the body, and after have nothing more than they can do."

Luke 12:7
 Why, even the hairs on your head are numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

___________________________________

All of these things aren't to say that anything is going to be easy. God doesn't say that if we follow him things will be fun, easy, profitable, or always happy. He does say He will be with us. And that He values us. And that we are His.

I like the idea of being His. A possession. Something he prizes. Something He has a purpose for. Hebrews 12:2 says "...Jesus...for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame..." That same possession, that value he has in us, and this scripture talking about the "joy set before him" are talking about the same thing. You. Me. Each person who follows Him.

"For you were bought with a price, so glorify God in your body."
 -1 Corinthians 6:20

What then shall we say to these things?

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Words of Welcome: A Hole the Size of Eternity

Hi, I'm Erin. Welcome to my blog. I am 24, married and a follower of Jesus. Most of this will probably be ramblings about my faith and my friends and my life. I wanted to put it somewhere tangible so that I didn't forget. I also wanted to make it available to others because, maybe others are struggling with the same things I am, or might be helped with the things I learn. In any case, I named the blog "A Hole the Size of Eternity" because of Ecclesiastes 3:11 which says:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart,

yet so that he cannot find out what God has

done from the beginning to the end." 

God has put eternity in our hearts, knowing that nothing but eternity can fill it. As human beings, we long for eternity: we keep time, we worry about time passing, we grieve at aging and death, we strive to live forever, to look young forever, to defeat time, we are enamored with immortality in vampires, in afterlife, in love that lasts forever, we are obsessed with making a lasting impression in the world, changing the world, being remembered by people, doing something that will make us famous forever: ETERNITY

Of course, no fancy cream or fountain of youth or machine will ever actually give us eternity. No magical change or innovative science or number of people who remember us will ever make us truly immortal. So, we fill up this hole with chasing money, relationships, love, lust, sports, music, jobs, school... things that we believe will give our life meaning. But they won't. Everything in our life, everything in this world will end. We are temporal. We are temporary. Our lives, our cars, our money, our houses, our jobs--and the work we do there, our ideas, our monuments, our relationships, our country... everything will end. The world will never stay as it is in this moment and there is nothing we can do to change that.

And that is why it is important. That is why we MUST know and understand that there is a being, a king, a GOD who is perfect. Who created everything perfect. Who can never disappoint us. Who loves us and wants us to know Him. He is eternal, has been and always will be, and we can be eternal with Him. In all actuality, He has put that hole in us, the hole that seeks eternity, the hole that longs for forever and for His perfect presence throughout forever. But we are imperfect. And imperfect cannot be with Perfection. We took his once perfect creation and brought disobedience and imperfection and lies and deciet into it, and ruined everything. But He loved us enough that He would rather die than destroy us or His creation. So he sent Jesus. Jesus, who is God in flesh, who was perfect--though tempted-- and who was a sacrifice for us... and Jesus defeated death so that we can also defeat death!

And so, we have this Hole the Size of Eternity that can only be filled with what it was made to be filled with: Jesus, our God, the Holy Spirit--the creator who loves us and wants us and is jealous for us. A creator who values us and knows us so well he can tell us the number of hairs on our head or the number of heartbeats we have had in our life. He cares for us.

And that is what my life revolves around. So that is probably most of what I'll be talking about. :]

Welcome to my blog.

I hope you enjoy it.

<3